As I read about my sister-in-law Caryn's pregnancy journey, and feel really bad about her morning sickness, and other infections and problems and such, there's a part of me that feels like she's kind of lucky. All that stuff is a result of her body responding to the hormones that are coursing through her body. I have the same hormones, but they don't cause the same reactions - which is kinda scary. A little bit of morning sickness lets you know that the baby's really growing - that it's really part of you and changing things in you. For me, the lack of morning sickness is causing a different kind of a difficult pregnancy, I'm constantly questioning whether or not I'm actually pregnant, whether or not this baby's going to stick around - and although I'm not PHYSICALLY finding this pregnancy difficult - I'm mentally and emotionally having all kinds of games being played, and that's tough. There's a lot of fear and uncertainty, and there's a part of me that would just feel a little bit of relief if I just threw up once or twice.
NOT that I want to be physically sick (or could handle it with my schedule being what it is), so in a way, it's like God is taking care and not giving me more than I could handle - but it does make me wonder about how secure Maybe.it is - and that's scary.
That is why we're waiting to tell all you guys - even though I really want to. Thursday is 10 weeks - and I'll feel MUCH better once I pass that milestone (it was the day of the beginning of week 10 that we lost Stretch). I want to hear a heartbeat before I start making phone calls. But then other days, I just want to post all these blogs and be done with it!
This is difficult - in a whole different way than morning sickness would be.
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