A Life Like Water

It's strange to think that we are expecting a child. On one level, that's just so normal, so typical. It's just part of the formula of what married couples do... And at exactly the same time, it's so wierd for us.

I'm looking forward to getting to know this new person. To explore what they like, and want and believe in. And suddenly I understand the sadness that comes from children. When my best friend's sister got married, I thought it was wierd that it was tinged with sadness on the parent's behalf. I said something along the lines of "But this is what you've raised this person for. Why should this be sad?" They said I'd undestand when it became my turn, and, well, they're right. I get it, and the child is still months away from being born.

You finally get to know this person. They reach the point where they can articulate their thoughts and unique perspective, and life moves on. They move on. They share and explore with other people, and the paths diverge. Change overtakes the familiar. And so should it -- I will not be a parent like those I see around me clinging tenaciously to their 30something children. Heavens, no! But I suddenly get the implications of that conviction.

Our pastor recently used a visual metaphor that he felt the Lord speaking to him in Hawaii. He stood on a beach, and felt the water shifting the sand under his feet. He stayed still and was buried up to his ankles, perhaps even more. When he moved finally there was a rather large crater from where he had been standing. In three or four (he counted, I can't remember) waves, the crater had been washed flat, and blended seamlessly into the rest of the beach. Life is not about a lasting mark or legacy. It's about standing faithful in the present. That's a goal I guess I can wrap my head around.

And the metaphor takes on a new meaning with me. The child (mercifully) has already not assumed an entirely dominant position in our lives. Deb is feeling healthier and more stable that either of us has grown to expect from pregnancy. We'll deal if that changes, but we're grateful for it now. And that gives me the assurance that the child will 'fit' our lives. She (or he, Deb keeps reminding me) will flow into our lives and find the cracks and spaces that we weren't even aware of. This child will not be the centre of our universe (we have God and each other already filling that position), but will find love and time and attention in all sorts of crevices that have already been carved out for her (or him) in us, as humans do.