I have decided that from now on I'm going to post on this blog every day. In doing so, I hope to get over the fact that my posts must be momentous things of gigantic importance. If I post only a sentence - that's OK if it's every day. I figure I need to do something with my time beyond watching TV, so this is it!
On that note: Here we go. Weddings. We've been to a LOT of them this last few weeks, and we're not finished yet! It's funny going to so many weddings, because it becomes very obvious what people are like by what kind of wedding they want to put on. You see what they value and what's important to them by they way they want things done, and where the money gets spent, and how you, as a guest, feel when you're there (and we've been "backstage" for a number, so we get to see all the nitty gritty stuff). It's been interesting and cool. At some weddings we felt like we were a very valuable part of things by being invited to be there. When you go to an intimate affair, it feels different than one with 200 people attending. It's fun to be able to enjoy each for what it is. Some have been very laid back, which means more mistakes happen, but people don't care about them as much, others have been meticulously planned, which means they're beautiful, and well run, but everyone's expectations are a little higher for those. Some couples are very close together and focused on each other all day, others are out to spend time with all the cool people in their wedding party. Some feel rushed for pictures, others feel a little TOO laid back (is that possible?). Some had LONG speeches, some had none and as always, some of those speeches were GREAT (even if they were long) and others could have been WAY shorter, or skipped completely.
Each of these wedding brought something different to the table. Each was a celebration, but in some ways, it was like they were celebrating different things. A challenge to my unmarried friends: when you plan a wedding, what parts of YOU (both as an individual and a couple) do you want to bring to the table and show as valuable for your wedding? Let your plans coincide with what's valuable to you as people, otherwise there's incongruencies, and it feels weird. For those of you who ARE married: Do you truly feel like your wedding reflected your values and tastes, or do you feel like you were part of a cookie cutter wedding? If you're a cookie cutter wedding person, think about the next party you're throwing. What can you do at THAT party to make sure it honours the people involved and invited, and reflects who you are as well?
In the end, looking back (and still forward) at all these weddings, we know that each Bride and Groom wouldn't have changed anything (nor should they have). We're both privileged to have been a part of each couple's day, and at the same time it's made my hubby and I very grateful that we had the wedding that we did, that it reflected who we were (and are), and fit into a budget that we could manage at that time. No regrets for our wedding, which I'm forever thankful for.
A SIDE note: as you may have noticed, I haven't mentioned any specific weddings - there's a reason for that. Please, take nothing personally and feel free NOT to try and guess which wedding was which. Know that I remember each day in a unique way, and that every wedding has moments of wonder (and moments of frustration, come on, be honest...you know it's true), and that in the end, we were blessed & honoured to be a part of each of them.
4 comments:
i have a lot to say on the topic of weddings (i've started this comment a few times over) but most of it is cynical or full of anger towards weddings in general - what can i say? i've been scarred. i think the best wedding i have ever been to was the one where the wedding embraced everything that made the couple who they were. it was about them, their friends and family - a celebration of love and unity in the most organic and authentic way. i agree that a wedding should really reflect who the couple is. i wish i could say my did - but i think it's an excellent challenge for those who will one day be planning a wedding - and even good thoughts for those of us whose weddings are far behind us.
one of the things I love about the weddings I've been to in my life is that, with few exceptions, most of them HAVE reflected the character of the couples involved. Those were always the ones I enjoyed most. Most of my close friends and family made choices that showed their real colours on their wedding day (yours sure did, bread'n'dab). I can only hope I'll manage to do the same on mine.
Wow, that's ambitious. Every day? I'd love to see you pull that off!
I've been working on a 'weddings' post for Living Martyrs too, but I can't find quite the right way to put it. They absolutely run the gamut as we've seen, and most often they do reflect the couple.
I love the meaning of weddings. The day of our wedding it struck me that very little of the wedding is actually for or about us. At least not in the way people expect. Instead it fits people into their culture. It tells everyone there of a commitment, of connection, and an extension of the family. And not nearly as much as people expect reflects on the couple in question. And even less should!
But here's the thing that doesn't get nearly enough play: everyone standing, everyone attending, everyone(!) is there to support the couple. Not just that day, but every day after. They're not there to see the beautiful bride, or to judge the quality of the food. If they're not there to support the couple, they should not be there. Period.
That's the whole point of a wedding, and that gets so little play in today's world. The *best* weddings are the ones that 'get it', and everyone's on board with it. Everything else is just trappings (appropriately named, no?).
Thanks for your comments, guys. I agree with what there is to agree with, and commiserate with those who need commiserating. It's the hardest kind of wedding to be at when you know a couple is so great, and their day is nothing beyond traditional. I saw that a lot more other places I've been to, but it's a REALLY easy hole to fall in - and there's very few people who look back on a wedding like that an have no regrets.
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